the edges trace to the center
only to find more extensions.
I want to find the center from where this unhappiness spreads --
where the spider lurks --
adding more silk to its web.
I want to kill that spider."
- http://in-the-streets.blogspot.com/
This was something I found in an old archive from almost two years ago.
what a flashback.
Two years.
A lot can change in two years.
I look back at where I was at the end of 2008: who I was, the things I did, the people I met, and look at where I am today.
Its strange, isn't it? How experience and age can change you. How, at times, it can leave you more jaded, more cynical, but at the same time -- more optimistic and more appreciative. How you wish you'd known then what you know now. I look back at myself in awe; I am a stranger to my past self. Unrecognizable. What seemed so important to me then now seems so trivial.
I used to believe everything in life amounted to timing -- to fate and chance. Now, I realize it is about yourself. Your will, your determination. Your motivation. Nothing is gained without working hard, without sacrifice. The spider is back, true. It is larger than ever, ominous and threatening. It has returned with a vengeance. However, I see this as a test -- a test of wills, a test of values, a test that everything I've worked for in the past will not lead me to regress into a person I will regret in the future.
And so I leave this as a sobering reminder to myself, and to you, that
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can’t make them change if they don’t want to, just like when they do want to, you can’t stop them.
– Andy Warhol
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